Shannon Bibby
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Gather My Thoughts

3/7/2015

8 Comments

 
Tonight, my friends, I write with a heavy heart. My 9 year old daughter who is usually a happy girl filled with lots of giggles and her love for Jesus shines brightly. However, this evening her heart was broken. Due to her mini meltdown of crying and asking why while trying to explain the hurt and frustration through the tears that has overcome her spirit, I wasn't able to join in the weekly conversation on twitter tonight. So, I headed over to Kate's blog to find our writing prompt. Tonight's word is Gather. 

As a back story to what I am about to write:
My daughter has an eye condition called coloboma. It's rare and happens around the 5 week mark of gestation. During that time, the eye lids are supposed to close to form the baby's eyes. However, on the rare occasion those eye lids doesn't fully close and leaves slits. When that happens parts of the eye or eyes are not formed. In my daughters case, both of her eyes are effected and she is missing part of her iris' leaving her pupil to make up for the empty space. She has what is sometimes called "key-hole shaped" pupils. What's this mean? It varies with every case. With my little girl, she has peripheral vision loss as well as a 40% chance of spontaneous retinal detachment. If she would get hit in the face (eye area especially) that chance increases dramatically because the muscles that hold the iris in place are weaker than the average persons. So, due to this risk, she isn't in sports such as basketball, soccer, softball, volleyball, etc. I am also aware that accidents happen so even a simple poke in the eye may cause damage. I also know that I can't exactly keep our daughter in a bubble and we have to put our trust in the Lord for protection. With that being said here is my 5 minutes of unedited free style writing of whats on my heart. Go...

Something happened where an opportunity to play in a soccer game was set in Jeanie's mind. I knew that I didn't want her in any soccer game due to the risks. However, the decision wasn't solely up to me. I have a husband and a daughter to reason with. To me, it was a no brainer. NO! To him the sad eyes and a spark of hope for her to play laid on his heart wanting to give our little girl whatever she wanted. So, our decision was to ask the doctor. (Plus we needed clearance for other reasons) Today was the day and the news was not in their favor but mine.  That two letter word sent my daughters heart into the depths of despair. The hurt was poured out onto my shirt with every tear that dripped down. She stated how upset she is with her limitations to sports. How she feels left out and how I can't understand her because her eye disease is permanent. "It's forever, Mom." And she reminded me of the fact that I can't change that. Talk about pulling my heart out- this was one of those nights. We spent a great deal of time talking. I had no true words of comfort instead I offered her teachings from our Lord. So, I gathered my thoughts and I reassured her that she will not have this forever. That her eyes will be restored and perfect once she is in Heaven. And I told her a story- one that I haven't spoke of in depth until tonight. I was able to tell her I understood her disappointments. I took that story and weaved it into another one that she knows of but again- not as in depth as it actually is. I offered her a hope- God will take all bad things and turn it into His good. That he has a plan and purpose and although we may not know now, she will know when the time is right. I gave her some possibilities of what it could be (even a miracle that her eyes would be cured) but only He knows what He plans. So, my prayer tonight is for my daughter. Father, I ask that you be with Jeanie. That you offer her comfort in her time of despair. Lord I ask that you blanket her with peace so that she may let go of her hurt and anger. And God I ask for strength as she wakes up in the morning ready to face a new dawn. Gracious God, I know you have a plan. And I know you will use this for Your good. Please Lord, be with my little girl tonight and all the rest of her days providing that hope that one day her eyes will be without a disease or condition. I thank you for all that you do that we don't even see or notice and I thank you for loving us as you do. In Jesus' name -Amen

STOP

Often there are times when we must stop and do more than just listen- but feel. Especially when it comes to our children. Sometimes it could be a friend, a sister, or a cousin- but we are compelled to simply stop... Gather our thoughts and offer hope because that's the only thing we have. If I could wrap my arms around my daughter and all of her pain and suffering would diminish that would be a miracle. However, more times than I can count- God is working on building us to be something better. So, although I couldn't comfort my child and make her pain disappear, I reminded her of God's love and wondrous ways in which He works in each of us. I ask that the next time you are faced with a loved one filled with grief, gather your thoughts, pray, and let the Holy Spirit lead you so that He can do His work. 

-Shannon 
8 Comments
Paula link
3/5/2015 05:54:47 pm

Praying with you and for Jeanie - for peace and understanding. This is a lovely and heartbreaking post. Thank you for sharing it.

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Shannon Bibby
3/6/2015 07:04:08 am

Thank you Paula for your prayers

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Helen link
3/6/2015 12:40:44 am

A heart-breaking post. I feel for you both. And totally understand your sentiment about wanting to wrap her up and take away all her pain and sadness and frustration: I'd gladly take any and all pain my children currently have, if only that would make them feel even a slight bit better. {An FMF friend}

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Shannon Bibby
3/6/2015 07:05:09 am

Amen! And thank you for you're prayers

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Tara
3/6/2015 03:34:27 am

Praying with you and for your daughter. It is so hard to see then hurting but you are a good mom friend. You gathered your thoughts and gave her hope! I was reminded of the words of Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declared the Lord, plans to prosper and not to harm you, to give you a future of hope."

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Shannon Bibby
3/6/2015 07:08:57 am

Tara, thanks for your prayers and scripture. I know the Lord has a plan... But sometimes it's difficult to have to watch the process unfold.

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Marie link
3/6/2015 07:00:47 am

Again I find myself wishing that I could wrap my arms around Jeanie!

I was born without all of the muscles/nerves in my right eye, rendering it functionally blind. (I can see a little if I close my left eye). My first moments of life were spent in CT scan because the doctors thought I had brain damage. Then there were three surgeries, all before age 12. I live with the reality that my left eye is forced to do the work of two and there is a good chance that blindness is in my future.

I've never been an athlete because I lack depth perception. I always wanted to participate but was just never any good. Even as an adult I'm always running into walls and doors, tripping over things because I can't see them. I've worn glasses since I was 7 and have been teased about my "funny eyes" for as long as I can remember.

I'm sharing all of this here not for sympathy but as a message for your daughter: she isn't alone. Not at all. But! She doesn't have to let this drag her down. She doesn't have to let this define her life. I have genuinely come to thank God for this lack of sight because it's enabled me to see other things. To have a different perspective. Jeanie will also be blessed with that if she asks. I have no doubt of that.

I pray that the Lord raises up a strong woman in Jeanie, one that sees beyond the "now" and into the hope of eternity!

Reply
Shannon Bibby
3/8/2015 09:25:09 am

Marie, I personally would love to see you face to face and let you know how much I appreciate your words of encouragement. I read this to my daughter and I'm pretty sure she now knows she isn't the only one with vision issues. I think part of her feels like she is the only one. So, I'm hoping this helped her in a way that I couldnt. Thank you so very much for your story. I pray many blessings for you my friend. Much love -Shannon

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