Tonight, my friends, I write with a heavy heart. My 9 year old daughter who is usually a happy girl filled with lots of giggles and her love for Jesus shines brightly. However, this evening her heart was broken. Due to her mini meltdown of crying and asking why while trying to explain the hurt and frustration through the tears that has overcome her spirit, I wasn't able to join in the weekly conversation on twitter tonight. So, I headed over to Kate's blog to find our writing prompt. Tonight's word is Gather.
As a back story to what I am about to write:
My daughter has an eye condition called coloboma. It's rare and happens around the 5 week mark of gestation. During that time, the eye lids are supposed to close to form the baby's eyes. However, on the rare occasion those eye lids doesn't fully close and leaves slits. When that happens parts of the eye or eyes are not formed. In my daughters case, both of her eyes are effected and she is missing part of her iris' leaving her pupil to make up for the empty space. She has what is sometimes called "key-hole shaped" pupils. What's this mean? It varies with every case. With my little girl, she has peripheral vision loss as well as a 40% chance of spontaneous retinal detachment. If she would get hit in the face (eye area especially) that chance increases dramatically because the muscles that hold the iris in place are weaker than the average persons. So, due to this risk, she isn't in sports such as basketball, soccer, softball, volleyball, etc. I am also aware that accidents happen so even a simple poke in the eye may cause damage. I also know that I can't exactly keep our daughter in a bubble and we have to put our trust in the Lord for protection. With that being said here is my 5 minutes of unedited free style writing of whats on my heart. Go...
As a back story to what I am about to write:
My daughter has an eye condition called coloboma. It's rare and happens around the 5 week mark of gestation. During that time, the eye lids are supposed to close to form the baby's eyes. However, on the rare occasion those eye lids doesn't fully close and leaves slits. When that happens parts of the eye or eyes are not formed. In my daughters case, both of her eyes are effected and she is missing part of her iris' leaving her pupil to make up for the empty space. She has what is sometimes called "key-hole shaped" pupils. What's this mean? It varies with every case. With my little girl, she has peripheral vision loss as well as a 40% chance of spontaneous retinal detachment. If she would get hit in the face (eye area especially) that chance increases dramatically because the muscles that hold the iris in place are weaker than the average persons. So, due to this risk, she isn't in sports such as basketball, soccer, softball, volleyball, etc. I am also aware that accidents happen so even a simple poke in the eye may cause damage. I also know that I can't exactly keep our daughter in a bubble and we have to put our trust in the Lord for protection. With that being said here is my 5 minutes of unedited free style writing of whats on my heart. Go...
Something happened where an opportunity to play in a soccer game was set in Jeanie's mind. I knew that I didn't want her in any soccer game due to the risks. However, the decision wasn't solely up to me. I have a husband and a daughter to reason with. To me, it was a no brainer. NO! To him the sad eyes and a spark of hope for her to play laid on his heart wanting to give our little girl whatever she wanted. So, our decision was to ask the doctor. (Plus we needed clearance for other reasons) Today was the day and the news was not in their favor but mine. That two letter word sent my daughters heart into the depths of despair. The hurt was poured out onto my shirt with every tear that dripped down. She stated how upset she is with her limitations to sports. How she feels left out and how I can't understand her because her eye disease is permanent. "It's forever, Mom." And she reminded me of the fact that I can't change that. Talk about pulling my heart out- this was one of those nights. We spent a great deal of time talking. I had no true words of comfort instead I offered her teachings from our Lord. So, I gathered my thoughts and I reassured her that she will not have this forever. That her eyes will be restored and perfect once she is in Heaven. And I told her a story- one that I haven't spoke of in depth until tonight. I was able to tell her I understood her disappointments. I took that story and weaved it into another one that she knows of but again- not as in depth as it actually is. I offered her a hope- God will take all bad things and turn it into His good. That he has a plan and purpose and although we may not know now, she will know when the time is right. I gave her some possibilities of what it could be (even a miracle that her eyes would be cured) but only He knows what He plans. So, my prayer tonight is for my daughter. Father, I ask that you be with Jeanie. That you offer her comfort in her time of despair. Lord I ask that you blanket her with peace so that she may let go of her hurt and anger. And God I ask for strength as she wakes up in the morning ready to face a new dawn. Gracious God, I know you have a plan. And I know you will use this for Your good. Please Lord, be with my little girl tonight and all the rest of her days providing that hope that one day her eyes will be without a disease or condition. I thank you for all that you do that we don't even see or notice and I thank you for loving us as you do. In Jesus' name -Amen
STOP
STOP
Often there are times when we must stop and do more than just listen- but feel. Especially when it comes to our children. Sometimes it could be a friend, a sister, or a cousin- but we are compelled to simply stop... Gather our thoughts and offer hope because that's the only thing we have. If I could wrap my arms around my daughter and all of her pain and suffering would diminish that would be a miracle. However, more times than I can count- God is working on building us to be something better. So, although I couldn't comfort my child and make her pain disappear, I reminded her of God's love and wondrous ways in which He works in each of us. I ask that the next time you are faced with a loved one filled with grief, gather your thoughts, pray, and let the Holy Spirit lead you so that He can do His work.
-Shannon
-Shannon
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